Elbow: Called

Monday, April 10, 2006


I can't believe that this is my life. I am surrounded by a lot of good things that I have going for me, but in this area I am completely null of peace. So most of the time I do nothing. I sit, I wait, I think and then my mind goes blank. I have nothing and I am nothing because my mind is set on nothing concrete.

I am scared to think of alternatives. I can't begin to imagine my life tomorrow or the next day, let alone in a year. I have so much to be thankful for and yet all I can see sometimes is that I am.

Right now, I don't have the strength to complete myself. Maybe that's where the Lord comes in. Maybe that's where nothing begets nothing, and I turn into a perpetual cycle of harm to myself. I don't know if the solution lies at my grasp. Beyond my reach is all I can comprehend, and therefore if it is unapproachable why fight for it?


Blogger David said...

I think you should call your wife out for shopping on Sunday.

10:20 PM  
Blogger DCTwistedLife said...

Dave- lol, nice comment there.

Elbow- this may or may not be a turning point for you. You can choose to let her check out other men. It may relieve YOUR guilt, but she would be doing it for revenge, and she become upset if it doesnt bother you as much as she thinks it would. This may or may not lead to feelings of jealousy, depending on your reaction...etc...you do see where I am going with this?

I have so much to be thankful for and yet all I can see sometimes is that I am gay and married to a woman. I'm tired of seeing the world through gay Mormon glasses. I want to throw them off and see without precept or aforementioned ideology.

You're stealing words and thoughts out of my head again...(besides the married part...). STILL. The way you think about things bears an uncanny similarity to how I think about things...I have literally talked about 'Mormon glasses' with other people. Maybe its a common analogy, but it strikes me. I too want to remove the glasses and just run away from it all. I guess it is no that easy- obviously its not.

8:19 AM  
Blogger Chris said...


Why don't you suggest this to her--check out guys together! You're gonna check them out whether you both like it or not, so you might as well be open about it and compare notes with her. That what I do with my wife.

9:29 AM  
Blogger blueshorts said...

I've heard it said, "If you don't look once you're not a man; if you look more than once you're not a Christian."
I'd say the same thing applies here. Sure, the guys good looking, but you've made your choice. Naturally you're going to look at him, but there's no need to entertain the thought. Just admire him quickly and move on.

9:29 AM  

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