E L B O W
Elbow: Indecision

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Indecision


It's tiring feeling anxiety all of the time. I don't know if I am strong enough to talk to my wife and tell her what I am feeling. I need to build up the courage.

I am so distracted.
I am overwhelmed and I don't have anything to hold onto.
I love my wife.
I have so much to think about right now.
My wife is unhappy in general about her life and I don't want to add to that sadness she is feeling right now.
I want to be honest. I need to get to a place where I feel like I am in control of my own life.
I feel fine one minute, and full of anxiety the next.

7 Comments:

Blogger David said...

I am a planner and I too contemplate how the decisions I am making today will affect me tomorrow, but that's not living. All you have is today. All you have is today.

You're in a difficult situation and I really believe you are the only one that can take yourself out of it. I don't know what you'll have to do to be happy, but if you stand on the edge of life and doubt yourself at every turn you deny yourself the opportunity to learn and grow from your mistakes. Maybe it doesn't matter what you do, you may feel regret later regardless, but if your decisions are made to the best of your ability and with your heart in the right place nobody (including yourself) has the right to look down on you.

Don't forget to pray, but remember that God wants us to live too.

2:33 PM  
Blogger Dave Walter said...

David is right: All you have is today. So envision feeling miserable just for today. (Smile, Elbow, that was a joke!)

Really, we need to get a little happiness into you, a little glimmer of hope, something that will make you feel like smiling.

You know what you have to do, but you just can't do it. You don't have the courage. You don't have the strength. You're overwhelmed.

OK, time for me to whip out the quote that I use to get myself unstuck: "Forget the cringing selves you sometimes are, and remember instead the magic essence of your own being that sings even now through your fingertips."

Or to put it in a Christian context: You are a good and wonderful creation of God, and you can tap into His love and experience Heavenly Joy. (All right, I don't know if there's any such thing as Heavenly Joy, but you get my point.)

Go into the bathroom, look in the mirror, think a good thought about yourself, and give yourself a hug. A big hug. Repeat every four hours or as directed by your doctor...

Listen: Life will get better. Once you get unstuck, and do what you know you have to do, you will feel relief.

By the way, if you do what you know you have to do, you won't regret it. Even if, sometime in the future, hindsight suggests that you should have done something differently, you won't regret making a decision that truly felt right to you at the time.

If you can't muster the courage to talk with your wife, consider writing her a letter, and follow up with a discussion afterward. I don't know that a letter would be optimal, but I don't know that it wouldn't be optimal, either, given your state of mind.

I think you need to break out of this emotional paralysis you're experiencing, before it paralyzes you even more. Do what you know you have to do -- but have in place a safety net of your therapist, and friends you can call for support. (FYI, Dave's Hawaii Helpline is open every night until 7 a.m., Eastern Daylight Time.)

Now forget your cringing self, think a nice, loving thought about yourself, give yourself a hug (do it, dammit!), and tell yourself that everything will be all right.

Meanwhile, I'll go look for "knock knock" jokes to cheer you up.

11:47 PM  
Blogger Latino-dude-in-Utah said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

2:09 AM  
Blogger Latino-dude-in-Utah said...

You know, your friend is right... U need some "happiness" in ur life... it's easy for us to say that, but it's a lot harder to do it. I believe that in this life there's a balance, like in between good and bad or balck and white. I know that everyone has to be sad so they can know what really happiness is about. I know that you have had a lot more experiences in this life than me (not necessarily because of age, but because your married, served a mission(maybe?) and have interesting things going on) and I believe in people, I don’t know you, but I do have faith in people. I know that you have the potential of being happy and find a place where you can be comfortable with yourself. "There is something of divinity within each of you. You have such tremendous potential with that quality as a part of your inherited nature. Every one of you was endowed by your Father in Heaven with a tremendous capacity” (President Gordon B. Hinckley) (look at me quoting what I have learned from home-teaching…lol) I don’t have an answer, a formula or a medicine that says “Hey! This is the answer for this problem” but I do believe that you can do it. You will find an answer! Use all your potential and all your life experiences....
Anyway, I’m going to bed..
Thanks for the last comment, I really appreciate it :D

2:12 AM  
Blogger DCTwistedLife said...

Elbow,

I wish I could give you a bearhug.

I just can't get myself to do it.
I envision feeling miserable for the rest of my life because I left.
I envision feeling miserable for the rest of my life because I stayed.


Those words resonate with me like noneother. That is how I see my life, from my own perspective. But from an outsiders view- we both have much to be thankful for. We are the masters of ourselves and we must take matters into our own hands sometimes. We must be tough, bite the bullet, and do what we need to do. Sometimes we might feel so broken, so beyond the point of repair, so shattered, lost and misunderstood. However. We have to put ourselves back together. You are afraid of breaking even more by leaving this 'safe' haven that you have. But you dont even feel very safe in this haven. You dont feel happy. If it were a haven you were meant to be in, you would experience more happiness than sadness in it. You CAN do this. You can take the leap, and you dont have to look back. Because you arent doing anything wrong. In hindsight, I think you will see this.

9:34 AM  
Anonymous BeenWhereSheIs said...

Elbow-
I don't have much to add to the good advice your friends have already given you except to ask this one question - how can you expect your wife to make the decision you want her to when you haven't given her all the pertinent information? You don't have to be the one to say "I want out" but you have to stop deceiving her and and allow her to make a truly informed decision. I know this is a very difficult position to be in but it will not change until you allow it to change by doing something different. Courage.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Elbow said...

BeenWhereSheIs:

Thank you, you are completely right. For the most part I have decided that I do need to talk to her fully and completely about what is going on. I am trying to work up to that. That is a goal I have made for myself. And while it is hard right now, I am making an effort to be able to do that.

I completely agree with you. Thank you so much for your comments. I want to hear more from you and your experiences. Maybe you don't have anything else to say, but I do know that what you have said is going to make an impact for good in the struggle I am currently facing.

Thank you again.

1:03 PM  

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