Elbow: Quite Possibly The Best Thing...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Quite Possibly The Best Thing...

Being a dad is my most sought after roles. I look forward to it and ponder daily what it would mean and how it will feel. Recently with the self-outed Clay Aiken coming to the press and announcing his homosexuality, he sites his child as the one reason why he decided to make his sexuality public. He reports: “I cannot raise a child to lie or hide things.” Wow. To me that speaks volumes about what it means to not just be a dad, but to be a human, and to strive for honesty in a way that not only effects your well being but the growth and progression of the children that enter our lives.

I can't wait to be a dad. I can't wait to share my life with a child that will teach me in ways that only children can. I want to to dad things and have dad outings, and of course I want to do all of this with a partner who loves and supports me.

When I was married to a woman I had the chance to have children. She wanted them and so did I but deep down inside I always felt that it was wrong to bring a baby into the relationship that me and my wife lived. We would have been amazing parents and we would have given the child an awesome home, but at the end of the day I knew that I would be lying to this child who would expect me to love and cherish his or her mother the way that straight men interact with their wives. And on some level as children always do and as people begin to notice that I was living a lie and that I was in the process teaching my son or daughter to lie. How much better off will I be and will my children be growing up in a home with complete honesty and authenticity. What power and integrity will the child feel to know that his or her dad is living and honest path.


Blogger Beck said...

First off, that photo is absolutely gorgeous.

Second, being a Dad is a tremendous blessing! I love my children and the joys and struggles and interaction I have with my kids. I can't help but desire those same things for you in the not too distant future. I know you've always desired to be a Dad and to have your own children. I'm glad you've rearticulated that as still a key desire as you've continued in your journey.

Third, this post makes me ache. I'm close to tears in thinking of the deceit I'm living, and hiding this from my kids. Sure, I have motives (good or bad can be debated) to keep this from them. And sure, I've partially come clean with my wife, and the Lord certainly knows my heart. I am honest in my commitments and promises made and kept.

But there is beauty in that photo and an honest life lived.

Thanks for posting!

8:02 AM  
Blogger Alan said...

I love that photo too, it's priceless.

I agree with Beck. Being a dad is wonderful beyond words. Definitely a goal worth striving for.

I applaud your desire to live honestly and openly. That really is the best way and I agree with everything you've said. Including how much better it makes you feel about yourself and about life.

Keep posting, I enjoy reading what you have to say.

12:18 PM  

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