Turn to Writhe
I wish that I could cry and let it all out. I know that there is reservoir inside of me that is waiting to break the damn but it just isn't coming. I feel almost numb and void of emotion. I have a blank stare. I don't know what I am feeling besides turmoil and anxiety. Other than that I can't cry, I can't scream. When will it be my turn to let go?
posted by elbow at 11:44 AM
3 Comments:
I'm really sorry to hear that your wife is having such pangs of anxiety. Your description of what happened sounds very much like a panic attack. I dont know what the other issue is that she is struggling with, which is of course relevant to all this. I really think you may want to see a counselor of some sort, he/ she can really help you guys along in whatever path you choose.
As for how you feel- numbness is a feeling I can identify with 100%. To be un-numb is too difficult, and that is very much a natural defense mechanism. The day will come when you can release it all, and it will come flowing. And on that day you will start a new chapter in your life. It could be soon for you, it could be later. It depends. Either way, know that you and your wife will both be okay. It may take a while, but you will be okay. For now, I think its important to address you and your wife's anxiety, your therapist could help this... best of luck Elbow, take care of yourself.
that does sound like a panic attack and she might just be taking it out on you because she can. I don't know though - everybody is different and I hate to judge. You know her best. I know that numb feeling though - I think I had it all weekend,and my girlfriend was kind of nervous about the way I was acting - I felt just indifferent about everything- I don't know. There are too many "I don't knows" in this whole situation. I guess thats why Nephi's statement is perfect when he said that all he does know is that God loves his children. I know that.
Elbow,
I've read a lot recently about anxiety and panic attacks; I think it was an anxiety attack that your wife experienced. It's good that she was able to release her emotions. It concerns me that you're unable to do the same.
If you (or others in NYC who are reading this) need help finding a therapist, I recommend you call the Gay Men's Psycotherapy Referral Service, which offers "referrals to gay-identified psychotherapists specializing in individual/group/couples/family therapy." The phone number is (212) 388-2738.
This isn't an easy time for you, but you will get through it.
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