I haven't masturbated for two weeks now. I feel fine. I haven't really noticed a withdrawal. Of course I feel like I am repressing a lot, so who knows what I'm feeling cause I couldn't begin to pin point any concrete emotion.
I've mentioned that the only things I have been able to really feel completely are anxiety and turmoil. Those are consistent. However, I lack the ability to get mad, to cry, to release ect… I know that I need to get all these intense feelings out, but maybe I don't.
I seriously considered cutting. I was sitting at work thinking about all the pain and hurt that are sitting inside of me waiting to be released. I use to masturbate to get it all out, and now that masturbation isn't a possibility, I thought about turning to cutting. Cutting would be a powerful release to all the anxiety and turmoil I am feeling, and hopefully it would also provide an outlet for me to cry and scream the way that I feel like I should be able to access. I'm blocked basically, and I don't know what to do.
I'm tired of being numb.