Elbow: Just Thinking

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Just Thinking

I feel like most of what I think about is concerning the purpose of this life. It fascinates me that we are born, we live, and then we die.

Some people live to be 100, some don't even get the chance to live more than a minute. Some are born with freckles and others have dark skin. There are people born into extreme poverty, and then there are people who have everything tangible that they will ever need. It's crazy to think about the discrepancy, and uneven distribution of traits and resources.

I have a lot to be thankful for, and I have a lot that I still desire. Sometimes I wonder if the desire, the want and the longing for things is what causes discontentment. If I didn't need then I wouldn't feel like I was lacking for anything. I have so much, yet my mind is determined to have more, and to be satisfied only when I have what I long for.

Sometimes I am able to just sit in silence and feel an immense amount of peace, and other times there is this nagging pain that won't let me go.

It's also crazy to think about the time we live in. I guess, as a country we're at war, and for me my life isn't any different than before we were at war, and yet other people have lost their loved one's because of it, and men have come home from war with horrible images in their heads. It's insane to think that there are something's that I will never experience, and yet for someone else, that is their reality.

Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be answers about life's conflicts.

Sometimes I get really excited to have kids.

I am afraid of growing old. I don't want to see my body get fat and disgusting. I want to be young forever and to have the body I have. I don't want hair to start growing out of my ears and to have a belly. I want smooth soft skin and muscles my whole life.

I want to be the best that I can be. I want to be true and good. I want to live with the knowledge that I am doing something important and that I am able to live a life that is full.

Sometimes I think too much.


Blogger Beck said...

I have been meaning to blog about "growing old" and my obsession of "staying young". (I've pretty much figured out why I'm so hating this aging process). I'm being pulled, tugging and screaming, into middle age. I should be celebrating the wisdom and experience that age brings, but the hairy ears, grey hair, and general roundness repulses me! UGGGH!!!

I want the wisdom and experience but without the physical changes. I want my 40-something mind in a 21 year old body! Is that too much to ask for? How's that for being shallow?

Help! I refuse to go!

7:28 AM  
Blogger AttemptingthePath said...

i'm scared of getting old too.

11:10 AM  
Blogger pinetree said...

I think I'm a little bit excited about getting old. I don't want it to happen extra fast or anything, but I think it will be fun to take my aging in stride. There are certain things one could get away with as an 80 year old that just wouldnt work when you're my age.

3:37 PM  
Blogger Ward Cleaver said...

I feel your pain.

10:32 AM  

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