She Is Good To Me

I rarely write about the times she has put her arms around me to tell me that she loves me unconditionally, and held me while I wallow in sadness and self loathing. I don't share her tender kisses and soft glances of adoration when I write entries because unfortunately all that gets over shadowed by the moments of harsh pain for what I'm going through.

I believe with all my heart that my wife loves me unconditionally, in fact she loves me with intensity and depth that she will do everything she can to keep me making the wrong decision.

My wife has been good to me. She has become more supportive as every day passes. She is giving me strength to be better. I feel a huge piece of burden lifted as I move away from a darker place. I am coming to understand that even though I can't choose who I'm attracted to, I can choose to be happy. I can make the effort to throw away the guilt and to focus on the positive things that are in my life.

Every morning as I wake up I have this automatic question that goes off in my head: "are you happy? Are you ok today?" And I acknowledge that the question is there, but most days I push through the answer because I don't like feeling pondering on its meaning. Today I listened and I was pleased with what I heard. I'm ok. I'm doing alright, and even if things aren't perfect, I'm doing all I can to experience the good that I do have.