Elbow: She Is Good To Me

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

She Is Good To Me

I rarely write about the times she has put her arms around me to tell me that she loves me unconditionally, and held me while I wallow in sadness and self loathing. I don't share her tender kisses and soft glances of adoration when I write entries because unfortunately all that gets over shadowed by the moments of harsh pain for what I'm going through.

I believe with all my heart that my wife loves me unconditionally, in fact she loves me with intensity and depth that she will do everything she can to keep me making the wrong decision.

My wife has been good to me. She has become more supportive as every day passes. She is giving me strength to be better. I feel a huge piece of burden lifted as I move away from a darker place. I am coming to understand that even though I can't choose who I'm attracted to, I can choose to be happy. I can make the effort to throw away the guilt and to focus on the positive things that are in my life.

Every morning as I wake up I have this automatic question that goes off in my head: "are you happy? Are you ok today?" And I acknowledge that the question is there, but most days I push through the answer because I don't like feeling pondering on its meaning. Today I listened and I was pleased with what I heard. I'm ok. I'm doing alright, and even if things aren't perfect, I'm doing all I can to experience the good that I do have.


Anonymous tbirdguy58 said...

Nice, Elbow!

Thanks for sharing this greater perspective with us. You had gotten into a rut of negativity and constant angst, like you were continually "crying wolf". It's encouraging to see good things in your relationship and I'm hopeful that, as you communicate, things will work out for the best.

The one thing I would suggest you do is NOT put up with your wife's abusive tantrums, because they shut off all communication.

We're still here, rooting for you bud.

5:19 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

It's difficult for me to comment on your blog, because my heart aches for both you and your wife. The tension, the anxiety, the mental anguish in both of your lives is tangible.

How I hope, someday, you'll be able to find a path that will bring you peace.

By the way, I adore Rock Hudson--and I own "Pillow Talk".

7:25 AM  
Blogger -L- said...

Nice post, buddy. I felt this one.

8:44 PM  
Blogger AttemptingthePath said...

i really enjoyed this post. it was honest, and i felt a degree of sincerity i haven't with your other posts.


9:47 PM  

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