Life Is Learning

I don't know why but it's time, and I feel it really strongly. I feel a lot of peace about eliminating masturbation and porn from my life, not this anxiety and angst that I have once experienced. Nor do I feel dread at the present, and for that matter I feel confident in the pursuit of a non masturbation/porn life.

I recognize that this might be a fleeting moment of confidence and idealism, and I've accounted for the fact that I might stumble in my quest for a more integrity. Nonetheless, I focused on this goal, and I intend to keep it as long as I can.

There are things that are in my head that lately have inspired me for the better. Being a human and having inconsistent ideas and unbalanced goals is part of survival and coping, but at some point I have to grasp what my life's potential is. I have come to a conclusion that suits my heart like a glove, and what I have come to understand about me and my life is that Life is learning. There is no way to get around the fact that we are here on earth to learn and to grow. As human beings we battle amazing amounts of pain, some of it bearable and other times inexplicable. The pain, the joy and mundane are all for our benefit, to learn, to grow, to change and become better. The learning that takes place in my life is undeniably tied to the principles of meaning.

Whether my thoughts at the present are circular or not, I struggle somewhat to come up with a valid explanation of what I want to say, but at the heart of my words is the principle of meaning. Meaning is present because the task of earth life is to learn, and to learn fosters a revealing view of meaning. Therefore; as we learn we find meaning, and as we find meaning we learn.

I see myself on this earth, placed in a realm of physical challenge and perspectives that eludes completely to the principles of self-reliance, authenticity, responsibility, and mortality. I am born with things that are part of me but that don't define me, I am truly an individual who is a free thinking being, and I have the purpose to find meaning in all that life has to offer because there will come a time to return to God.

I see that day looming, and I don't feel fear or dread. I'm not ashamed of my past or my present, I am me and I am proud of the fact that I have asked questions and sought after peace. That day will come and life will be over, the existential angst of loosing the chance to grow and progress is almost unbearable, and at odds with this angst is the freedom to choose anything that I want to be and become. At the pinnacle of this struggle is the quest for meaning in adversity, joy in the moment and complete devotion to the here and now.

Today I feel strongly the drive to choose to focus on my existence in the here and now. At each moment, I am free to choose what I will do and be. That choice is amazing, because it gives opportunity to be the person I authentically can and will become. The most important aspect of my life is not what I have genetically inherited, but how I interpret and respond to the world around me at each given instant, and the kinds of choices I make about what to do next. I have chosen to stay away from porn and masturbation and I will do that because there is more to learn in my quest for meaning and learning.