Elbow: Heart Attention

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Heart Attention

I've been thinking a lot about how fast time seems to pass by. I can see moments in my life that are so sweet, and others that really hut me. I keep thinking about my parents lately. They aren't old, but they are starting to get old. My dad use to be so fit and active, and it's interesting to see his body completely different now. My mom is still beautiful, but there are pieces of her that aren't the same, and there are moments when she starts to act like a crazy old lady.

Where will I be in 30 years? Where will my family be? I wonder when Jesus comes if I'll be alive. I wonder where I'll be, and how my life will look.

Old people are like a different race, they have their own culture and beliefs. How does one go from a state of alertness to a lethargic and lost state of old age? I wonder what old people feel about themselves.

I've said before that I'm afraid of growing old. I'm not even thirty yet and I'm thinking about what it will be like to be an old person. Who knows, maybe it won't even come to that, I could die in five years from now instead of the 50 that I'm thinking about.

When I look at an old person I see an old person, but there is a life full of living in that body, the shell is weak and feeble, but there is a world of memories and knowledge. I wish that instead of seeing the outer shell of the person, and judging the physical appearance, that I could see the heart.

I want my heart to be in the right place, and for my heart to be in a good and peaceful state, I have to start placing my attention in the matters of the heart, and not on the physical appearance of those around me.


Blogger Dave Walter said...


If you haven't done so already, I hope you'll resume your therapy. In addition to the gay and relationship issues you still need to work out, it'd probably be a good idea to address your fear of aging.

50 is old?!

2:52 PM  
Blogger Beck said...

Hey Elbow...

I'm a lot closer to 50 than you are and it doesn't seem so OLD to me as maybe it once did. Funny how that happens.

I've got a fear of aging as well, and dream of being eternally young - been meaning to post on it for a while now.

In one way all of us don't look forward to the decaying process of our health and bodies, but we can't keep that from allowing us to LIVE!

5:53 AM  

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