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Elbow: I Should Be A Whore By Now

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

I Should Be A Whore By Now

Lately, I’ve been perfectly ok until I see a hot guy. Once I see someone who is attractive to me I automatically start feeling sexual. I guess that means I’m gay…but what I’m trying to piece together is why it doesn’t go anywhere beyond that. Because of where I live, I get looked at and “cruised” and picked-up on all the time by guys that are pretty cute, and sometimes, really cute. And yet it never goes further than that. The looking, the staring, and it doesn’t work out. I keep telling myself that if the opportunity presented itself where I could make-out with a hot guy and/or have that guy touching me that I would follow through.

All this makes me believe that prayers of my forefathers are working. I am at the whim of my attraction. I’ll look, I’ll stare back, and I’ll even be the one to make the first move, but nothing has panned out, and I think it’s because the Lord is protecting me from a sexual encounter with a guy. It’s just not in the cards for me right now. Even when I feel like I’m getting closer to a sexual encounter with a guy that I think is hot, I just don’t feel attracted, or I’m uninterested. I’m not saying I don’t have my free agency, I’m just saying that the Lord is doing a lot in order for me not to follow through with my homosexual desires.

I should be a whore by now, but maybe it’s just not in my horizon. In a way I’m thankful. Who needs gay sex when you’ve got a blog to write!

6 Comments:

Blogger SG said...

You do have people praying for you, and it isn't just your forefathers. Some of those prayers are being offered by your blog-brothers (that's a cool name, isn't it?). Like me.

3:34 PM  
Blogger Elbow said...

Thanks sg. I really appreciate you and your support. Right back at ya!

3:45 PM  
Anonymous Foxx said...

Once I see someone who is attractive to me I automatically start feeling sexual. I guess that means I’m gay.

It means you're human.

Love you, man.

3:50 PM  
Blogger Kengo Biddles said...

I second what foxx said, but add "You're just figuring that out? ;)"

I feel much the same, but remember, Elbow, that if you really push for something, God's not necessarily going to strike you down to stop you.

Good to see you're posting rather than other things...

6:07 PM  
Blogger Beck said...

"Who needs gay sex when you've got a blog to write!"

Amen, brother! That's my motto!

I also have a personal philosophy that I've stated before that it's easy to be a "whore" in your thoughts desiring more eye contact, or relationships that have a distance to them - because they're safe. When they really become real, you back off - because that safety net of distance of "it really won't happen so I might as well make eye contact" etc. isn't there. I'm not suggesting the prayers of our fathers and our own brotherhood aren't playing a role, I'm just suggesting that playing with fire in a rainstorm is a lot more safe than in the middle of a hot dry-grass savannah...

Oh never mind, I have no idea what I'm saying. I'm just glad you are "human" and I'm not the only one being affected by those looks... I'm just envious that you live where you actually get looks toward you! Of course, if I were as "hot" as you, maybe I'd get a few coming back my way as well. :)

7:38 PM  
Blogger Forester said...

I've have felt the same kind of "protection" for many years. It's nearly unbelievable that things haven't gone further, but you're right, somehow, something gets in the way and saves me from a swift downfall.

3:56 PM  

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