Elbow: For Her

Monday, April 02, 2007

For Her

I have a paper due tomorrow and I can’t write anything coherent about the topic. I’m feeling very nervous and agitated and screwed up. I spoke with playasinmar today online and he gave me some good advice. Why am I going through this? Yes I’ve made my decision, but is it the right decision? And even if it isn’t the right decision, will I be happy otherwise?

I just need to talk to my wife. That is the bottom line. Regardless of anything or any choice or thought, I need to talk to her and tell her what is going on. I know that’s what you guys have been saying all along, but I'm a slow learner.

I told playasinmar that I’d talk to my wife tonight. Pray that I can do that. I’ve got to do this, and not just for myself, but for her.


Blogger Beck said...

I pray that you will be wise...

6:55 PM  
Blogger Mormon Enigma said...

Talking to your wife is the right thing to do. Whatever the ultimate outcome of your relationship - it needs to be a joint decision.

So, I'm praying for you. I know talking to your wife will be extremely difficult (I can't even imagine having that sort of conversation with my wife - it was hard enough just to tell her that I'm gay). But, I pray that YOU will have the strength to do it.


7:12 PM  
Blogger Forester said...

Yes, talk to your wife. If you are making a decision that is going to change her life, she should be able to have a say. She knows you better than most. My wife knows me better than anyone, including my parents. She doesn't know about my SGA, at least not openly, but that is such a small part of who I am anyway. There are times when the SGA wants to dominate our lives. Don't let SGA define who you are. You are so much more than a sexual being. Most of the time sex ruins our lives because it is so hard to control. I know that SGA isn't all about sex, it's about acceptance, love, and understanding. I know why we hunger for sex from men, but I don't know why we hunger for acceptance and love from men. However I do know that if you can get over the sex part, the other things are not as hard to do without, and the other things aren't necessarily wrong. I think it is possible to develop a very close relationship with another man without the sex component.

Soon after my mission I remember praying so hard and for so long to be able to find a close male friend. It was hard not having a male companion around 24 hours a day. I really missed that. It took about two years but I finally met a man with whom I became very close. I had to go away to another university to find him, but I did. I had a crush on him without the physical part. It was great that I had no desire to have sex with him. He ended up introducing me to my wife and the rest is history.

When I moved to Las Vegas three years ago I had no close friends, but again, after about a year, I found another very close male friend. I was able to tell him about my SGA and he was able to tell me that he was cheating on his wife with another woman. Through our trials, we have become very close, and there is no sexual component. In the beginning I thought he was hot, but now we are close, I don't have those feelings for him sexually like I used to have.

I guess I'm trying to say that the sexual part of SGA can be controled, and when it is in control, you can still love another man.

7:26 PM  

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