Elbow: Amazing Support

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Amazing Support

I was able to see a buddy today that I hadn't seen in a very long time. He heard about my wife and I getting a divorce and he text me to see if I was ok. It just so happend that we were going to be in the same exact place at the same time, and so we met up for tea and just talked for hours.

We had a lot to discuss. I told him everything about the divorce and he gave me the run down on his life, and it was just really fun to feel supported and loved from a friend that I hadn't seen in over three years.

We knew each other the summer before my wife and I moved to NY. He was her co-worker and we all got a long so well that we started hanging out with him everyday. We had so many activities planned with him that I started calling him the "cruise director" because he always had awesome activites planned for us.

I always knew he was gay and he always knew I was gay, but we didn't ever talk about it. It wasn't awkward though, because it always felt like each of us had an "open door policy" that we could have (if we needed or wanted) talked to each other about it. He was trying to be really into the Church and obviously I was trying to live up to my expectations for myself within the Church and both of us recognized that we were going through the same kinds of issues back then, but didn't ever discuss it until today.

It was just so good to see him and look into his face and see him happy, and it was also amazing to see him happy for me. He has since been with his boyfriend for two years, and is doing really well. He said that when he heard the news about me and my wife that he was so overjoyed because he knew that my wife would finally be able to live her life in a way that wasn't damaging to her self-esteem, and he also said that he was so happy for me because he knew that I could start living without tring to fit into a box that wasn't healthy.

His reaction was so great for me to hear. I'm tired of people saying how sad it is that my wife and I are getting divorced and how devistated they are for us. We are amazing. My wife is at peace. I'm at peace and I genuinely feel this celebratory impulse to let everyone know how great the divorce is going. And it was good that he already assumed that and shared his excitement for me. I need that right now. I just want people to be happy for me and happy for my wife that she doesn't have to be married to a gay man anymore. She can live her life and I can live mine. It's great.


Blogger J G-W said...

I've appreciated your comments on my blog. I tried checking out your blog earlier, but access was restricted. I'm glad you've opened it up!

I am so glad you have found peace in your divorce, and that both you and your wife have found this a positive thing. I know to some this sounds like a horrible, horrible thing to say, but I have seen some very good divorces, in which both spouses were moving forward out of a true love and respect for each other. I never did the "marriage" thing... I can't even begin to imagine the complexities of working through something like that.

6:19 AM  
Blogger Elbow said...

Thank you, j g-w. I appreciate your comments as well, and I respect your voice.

My divorce was the best thing I have ever done for my wife. I let her go and she is now free to have the marriage/life she's always wanted. And she let me go and I now have the ability to progress in a way that wasn't possible while being married to a woman.

And the best part is that we're still best friends, sans the marriage responsibilities/inauthentic sexual encounters.

5:32 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

i am glad for you Elbow, that this has become a positive thing for both you and her.

always thinking of ya.

11:01 AM  
Blogger k8 said...

landed here from Family Blend but just wanted to say i admire your honesty about your divorce. good for you for being willing to let both you and your ex live lives being honest about who are you.

4:02 PM  

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