Separating

My feelings can best be described by the photo to your left. The doctors appointments, the surgery, the recovery etc... has all been exhausting. I emotionally have given up, on my marriage, and on the gospel. I don't care if it's true or not. I don't care if I love my wife.

I'm flying to Canada to stay with my parents over the summer. My doctors have given me the go ahead to fly. My fight leaves in a couple of days. I quit my job because of my spinal cord fiasco, and since I'm off school till' September I thought it would be a good time to get away.

My wife isn't coming with me. We're separating. No definitive answer about divorce, but where separated as of a couple of days ago. Neither of us are happy about it. I am more drained than anything. I've been scared to death that I'm going to die, that I'm not going to walk again. I've been exhausted spiritually by trying to find meaning in prayer. I'm feeling a lot of desire to get away, and while my parents house isn't the best place to do that, I have no where else to go. But if there's anything that I feel might be beneficial, it's getting away from NY and from my wife, and just getting in touch with what my heart is trying to tell me.

These Last Couple of Weeks

I started feeling weak in my legs these past months and I didn’t think anything of it. To be honest I’d been avoiding a lot, and my body fell into that category. After getting off the bus a couple of weeks ago I feel down onto the sidewalk and my legs weren’t responding as I thought they should. I was taken to the emergency room and at the time I was more embarrassed about falling down in front of a bunch of aggressive New Yorkers than I was worried about my body.

Come to find out, worrying about my body has just begun. They did an MRI and the doctor told me that I have a spinal tumor located on the outside lining of my spinal cord.

Since then I’ve been in and out of the hospital and I’ve been in and out of work and in and out of school, and all along I was worried about the decision to end my marriage, and now I’m contemplating what it will be like to never walk again.

They’ve determined that the tumor isn’t cancerous, but my spinal cord is really weak right now and I’m just doing what I can to survive.

I just wanted everyone to know that I’m ok. I really am doing well. I’m having a hard time, but I’m ok.