o, I haven’t spoken to my wife yet. And this post may be another attempt to avoid the subject but I need a break from thinking about it, at least for today. Plus, I went to the doctor yesterday and considering my experience, how could I not write a post about it?
It’s been about 5 years since I’ve been suffering from pain in my prostate, which the doctors have diagnosed as prostatitis. I’ve been seeing a lot of doctors about it and I had an appointment yesterday to meet with a Urologist that I had never met with before. I had to be at the doctor’s office at 9:30am. I knew that at the urologist’s office I would be given an always embarrassing and forever uncomfortable “internal examination of the rectum
.” So I showered and didn’t wear any underwear because I don’t like wearing garments at all really, and any excuse that I can get out of wearing them will be employed, and I also don’t like having a lot of clothing to deal with when having to get naked at the doctor’s office. It’s just easier if I can slip on and off the pants, and not have to deal with the other layer. Needless to say, as you can tell, I’ve had many a urologist examine my prostate.
So I get to the doctor’s office, fill out paper work, give them a urine sample, and I’m waiting in the room for the doctor to come in. When the urologist enters the room, and even before I walked into the building I knew that the doctor would be gay. I just for some reason felt that he would be a fag. All of my other urologist have been straight, so I don’t know why I was so certain that this one would be gay, but sure enough this thirty-something blonde hair blue eyed short doctor walks in the room and he’s a flaming urologist queer. He asks me the usual questions, he asks me to show him where it hurts, he then asks me to touch myself to be more specific to show where it hurts, yada yada yada… And as urologist usually do he told me he was going to examine the goods as he slipped on his rubber gloves.
Now, I don’t know what was going on with me, but I felt really sexual for some reason, and I wasn’t attracted to this doctor so to speak, but it was an intensely homoerotic moment. I could tell he was kind of flustered and that he was liking our interaction, but he was also really professional at the same time, so it was this weird dynamic. So I unbutton my fly and down come my pants and for some reason I start getting an erection. Here is this male doctor eye level with my penis and I see my member start to rise to the occasion. I just pretend like it’s normal and assume that he likes it anyway and I turn my head and cough and by this time I don’t have a full on erection, but my penis is staring him in the face (so embarrassed).
So he then says to me: “have you ever had an erection exam?”
And in my head I’m thinking: “What the hell is an erection exam? Is he flirting with me?” So I was a little intrigued and very interested in what an erection exam was and just to make sure I heard what he said I inquired: “a what?”
Doctor: “an erection exam?”
So I said: “No. No I haven’t.”
And he proceeds to tell me to turn around and bend over. By this time I have an erection, and I think I’m getting an “erection exam” and then I feel him start to do a rectal exam. In my head I’m thinking “was this his Freudian slip or mine? Did he actually say “erection exam” and what he meant to say was “rectal exam?”
After he slides his fingers up my ass and playing around with my prostate he hands me some tissue and tells me: “everything looks good.” He carries on the appointment by asking me if I need to get tested for any sexually transmitted diseases and then he tells me he wants to see me in three weeks. I’m feeling good about myself because he wants to see me again like a second date, and then he stands up to leave and he looks me up and down and says in a really impressed manner: “how tall are you?”
Elbow: “A little over six feet.”
Doctor: “Very nice.”
And he walks out of the room.
I’m kind of excited to go back in three weeks, and I am still unable to decipher whether he actually asked to give me “an erection exam” or not.